I did it. I got the distinction I wanted, and now the PhD is very much official, as stated by my change of LinkedIn and Researchgate statuses. I’d planned on staying up late (nothing particularly unusual of late) and check my online course page for the results which were due to be published at 23.55. However, things did not go to plan; which just depressed me. In a very stupid way, which of course made A laugh a lot. Can’t blame her. It was worth the ‘laugh out loud’.
I was actually freaking out about the results, because of all the associated uncertainty…believe me there was a lot, which I only just realised after the results. You know I’d even planned on my usual results ritual…the ‘freaking out’, the ‘jumping up and down’, the ‘stuffing my face’ and of course the relentless refreshing of the web browser. But, all of that planning was in vain. K had texted me to tell me that the results would be up just before midnight, which was confirmed by the email we all received shortly after. Before that, I’d been checking every 15 minutes…it would’ve been shorter intervals but I was well aware that each time I’d checked the page, my name would be registered on the ‘participants’ list. And though I am an openly admitted ‘eager bunny’, I didn’t want the other students (most of whom, probably already hate me) to know how often I’d been checking. Anyway, since A was leaving for her 2 week holiday; I wanted to give her a call and talk to her before she left. I called her a few times but kept missing her, and then decided that I wanted to make Mac n Cheese…but without a roux. A miserable failure. Do not use frozen cheese and fresh cheese in the same sauce, seriously don’t. So after that failure and a heap of boiled macaroni staring at me, I decided to make an Indian inspired tomato and spinach base for my macaroni. Having felt like I’d achieved something, I called A again. This time I caught her, helped by the fact that she texted to say that she was good to talk. So we were talking about how her brother had been incredibly immature and not done his packing and so she was running frantically trying to make sure that he’d had everything too. And then I got a text…from AH. He’d texted to congratulate me on my thesis and told me what marked I’d achieved. I never know how to react to him, of course I mentioned this to A and she asked if I could find out what she’d got. I then naively went on to text AH to ask about A’s mark…he then replied back in most informal way, stating that I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone that he’d told me. Whoops!
Anyway, so I felt a little disheartened when my plans were thwarted…it took around 3 hours for me to be happy and to appreciate that my hard work regarding the dissertation had paid off and I’d achieved a distinction. Though my lack of elation may have been encouraged by the deflated reaction of my parents when I told them that I’d got a distinction…’oh, that’s good’ – they stated, barely a muscle flinching in their faces. I have well and truly spoiled them with my achievements, to an extent where they can no longer credit any of my hard work. Oh well, where they lack…others certainly make up. But no need for any melancholia here, let’s think happy thoughts. I now know that not only am I starting my PhD and finally on the road which leads to an exit; but my ‘cake cousin’ got into university (and it’s a massive deal for me, because I really wanted her to get in and she’d applied last year too! And she’s going to the same institution as me…how great…emphasis on sarcasm here, due to the underwhelming enthusiasm I have for this particular institution, well it most certainly is not Warwick). Anyway, welcome week officially begins on the 22nd, and that means all those stupid ice breaker activities again. For heavens sake, we’re research students…we don’t need to indulge in stupid activities like that…heck I didn’t even have to endure that as an undergrad but sadly had to partake as a postgrad. I’m majorly digressing here, so even though I’d known what results I’d got…I still stayed up and waited moronically for the results to be published, but on the bright side; I did get to look at the feedback. Feedback, which just made me feel incredibly stupid…and reinforced my idea that I could’ve achieved better. Gosh, I’m never satisfied.
PS. The title is an episode of the ‘Gilmore Girls’, I’m still catching up with my Tivo. The image…well, that just speaks for itself. Biryani essence…seriously??? Couldn’t resist taking a picture.