‘Well…hello there Leo…’

There is no doubt in my mind that ‘brain farts’ can show themselves in many facets, and I for one am not immune to these unintended expulsions. And today was no different. I was walking with S along a corridor, and someone held a door open for us…now instead of saying thank you, I said ‘Hi’. Poor guy looked a little confused and then said ‘Hi’ back as if he were trying to place me in memory. Now, I have no idea why I greeted this stranger; especially since I was looking for a different word in my head. It just goes to show that my human brain can hardly cope with juggling the immense new information I’m coming across on a daily basis; in this seemingly endless and dark tunnel known to many as the ‘start of something new’. Perhaps I should feed it carrots.

I just took a little bit of a break…and went and read my sixth form leavers book (because that’s what normal people do…right?). Believe it or not, it had me in tears. Yes, I’m once again an emotional mess; but it’s strange to read so much positivity about yourself. People leave behind amazing memories and it’s strange how just coming across someone’s handwriting can make them seem so real. One person in particular.

Anyway, I was actually going to write about a very important university experience I had as an undergrad; but I don’t feel like it any more (maybe at a later date?). So I’ll just give an update instead; I sent my DoS my data from the past 2 weeks only for him to tell me that it’s ~5% lower than he’d have liked and therefore I not only wasted my time, I now need to re-do the studies which I learnt how to do alone, when he was supposed to have shown me the methods. I’ve spent the majority of this week attending mandatory lectures on things I already know about. Though the lectures were sleeping medication, the people I met were great…and the students I spoke to has taught me a lot about myself, and the impression I can make on others. It took me less than 3 days to come across as someone of a ‘confident’ nature…even though this wasn’t what I was consciously doing. Just goes to show how much control your subconscious mind has over your behaviour. Now I’m going down a psychological route, so I’ll stop before I end up refuting some existing theory/argument. I have however learnt that I need to speak clearly with my DoS, and explain that though I’m not unhappy…I’m not happy either; and that we need to be on the same page. Let’s hope I don’t chicken out of this conversation (tomorrow eek!). I’ll keep things up to date.

PS. The title will make more sense after the next post. The reason why I have the word ‘confident’…in this particular manner, is because there are ‘people’ out there who think that I am not confident. Strange.

Another PS. Is it weird that my institution’s WordPress post is promoting a ‘suicide prevention’ smartphone app??? Hmmm…


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