You know when you seem to dig yourself a hole, and it only just gets deeper? I’m in a massive crater right now which is just getting deeper. Why is it so difficult for me just to stay away from something? Can I not just take a step back like everyone else and stop myself from getting completely immersed in something entirely voluntary? I guess not, because then I wouldn’t be me, now would I?
But it’s only worse when you seem extra eager to do it…and really the task at hand is anything but exciting; and then maybe it feels as though you have another reason to voluntarily increase your own workload. I do, in this one particular case…however, I care not to divulge, and I’m really hoping that my colleagues don’t catch on either. It’s such a stupid reason as well! Now I just have to wait for everyone to get back to me and ensure they’re all okay for me to take lead…painstaking!
I thought I’d be swamped this week, but unfortunately my experiments are no longer dependent solely on my competency and since I can’t do anything without considerable *help*; that leaves me sitting here in my office typing away. I ought to be working on a proposal I’m writing up, but it’ll get there (I’ve got all day!). I’ve completed the poster for the symposium, it’s the complete opposite of what I was originally going for, in fact I think it’s safe to say that it’s now the format that I originally wanted to completely scrap…even at it’s mere mention. Strange how things turn out (I ended up walking around with 4 different versions of the poster, and getting opinions…the one I’m sticking with was unanimously most popular). So here I am, following a horrid meeting with my supervisor which brought home the fact that despite being six months into this PhD…it’s still not the project I have my heart set on and there’s a fair chance that I’ll not be able to do what I want to do after all. But as my mum said, compromises must be made and although it may seem as though I’ll be the one making the bulk of the compromises…I’m not going to go down without a fight. After all, this is my PhD regardless of the circumstances and I want to make the most of it.