The last few days have certainly been interesting, with the impending commencement of the new academic year, it feels as though everything has come to a grinding halt. I know for a fact that I have a lot of work to do (A LOT), considering that I don’t intend on exceeding my three year deadline (not just self-imposed)…but not only am I lacking the resources (waiting for a delivery), I’m also lacking impetus. I suppose the two are connected, perhaps having resources may encourage my somewhat ‘apathy’ driven attitude to turn a page. Maybe, maybe not. If resources don’t do it, I think a ticking clock might just.
As an official second year PhD student, I’m on the verge of surpassing the first week of my second year; and it’s been anything but a good start. Other than panicking myself regarding the organisation and completion of each of my ‘prospective’ chapters; I’ve not been productive at all. I could have (and almost certainly should have) used this ‘blank’ period of time to press on with some much needed writing, but there are far too many excuses I can come up with and not enough reason to go about doing some work. All of which signal that time of year…when all things appear to be ‘blue’. I’ve had little if not any contact with my supervisor, although his call this afternoon certainly wasn’t expected…and left me feeling far more annoyed than I initially was (I’ll explain at a later date). But there’s a lot that needs to be sorted and ‘planned’…and unfortunately I can’t do it all alone, despite wanting to do.
I suppose aspects of a PhD are somewhat of an oxymoron, you’re “expected” to exert independence in your project, however the reins are seldom given to you…nor can be taken with gusto (or anything for that matter). This is a realisation that most of my colleagues and I have gained, and as the new intake of PhD students begin to prepare themselves, it’ll all be like rewinding time and watching things happen with a far less hazy perspective (not something that I’m looking forward to). In fact, I’m far more inclined to cleaning the lab…something which is always therapeutic (and will explain why the lab is kept in good order in my presence! I’m clearly not very humble!). I wish I could say that I really just want to get on with ‘phase 2’…and that the only thing holding me back is the lack of resources…but sadly that’s not the case. I’m hoping to re-energise my enthusiasm and turn this passive approach into a more active working attitude. Let’s hope for the best.
PS. Contrary the post, the title is in reference to the film ‘The Wedding Ringer’…watched it the other day…because, yes that’s right, I actually have time to read for fun and watch films! Definitely not a good sign(!)