It’s not often that something can strike me, but when it happens…it usually opens up a whole can of worms, which really should be left alone. It’s interesting how one thing, completely unrelated to the next, can result in a cascade of thoughts and questions that make current priorities obsolete. Although I realise how cryptic this may all sound to be, it’s in fact not so cryptic at all…since there’s no ‘one’ trail of thought…it’s hard to trace. I had a meeting with my DoS today…one that I wasn’t looking forward to at all, and clearly it lived up to that. He implied that he didn’t think that I was doing any work. That was a hard blow. For the past few weeks, I’ve been getting into the lab an hour earlier than I should (lucky that my staff card grants me access), and often leaving past 5 or 6pm. I’ve been stretching myself to ensure that I’m able to make the most of my time and be productive; but not only that, I’ve been unreasonably helpful to my colleagues, who although express their thanks, reciprocation is left to be desired. Something which I’m now being told off about…from more than one person.
I guess, what I’m really trying to say is that, although I came out of that horrid excuse of a meeting, feeling like I’d been hit in the gut with a sledgehammer…I was really hoping that one of my friends*, would cheer me up and that it would work. It didn’t. I’m not sure if my re-evaluation of things, is due to my meeting or the crush of my expectations; either way, I’m not happy. And being asked if I’m angry, is certainly not the right question; my response would’ve been far different had the question been “are you upset?”. So, what have I learnt today? Well, other than the fact that my DoS is completely out of touch with his students, I realised today that I have a very unidirectional friendship with one of my friends*…and perhaps that requires some evaluation…because Peanut needs something back.
PS. I was supposed to have another meeting a little later this week…so that I could ‘prove’ that I am in fact doing research…well, I just got an email saying that it’s cancelled. Should I be surprised? Probably not.
* not certain ‘friends’ is the appropriate definition.