“I don’t like ultimatums…

…I don’t like Mondays, but unfortunately, they come around eventually”

I don’t know what it is about winter, I don’t know if it’s because the Sun goes on holiday around about this time, or if it’s the fact that the end of year is right around the corner. Whatever it is, I tend not to feel so great at this time of the year, and oddly, it’s my favourite time of the year (make of that what you will). I’m actually in the middle of writing up my lab book in preparation of another busy day tomorrow, but I feel like I need to put my words out ‘there’. There have been a lot of things circling my mind recently, more noticeably to do with my PhD, and my non-existent supportive relationship with my supervisor. But that’s not the only thing that’s plagued my mind. My mum is leaving for her holiday in a matter of days, and although I’m a woman in my twenties…I have no shame in saying, that “I want my mummy!”. I don’t even really know how to describe everything that’s going on. It’s almost one after the other, and the one thing that’s playing on my mind is certainly not the norm, and perhaps that’s why despite wanting to move on…I seem not to be able to pull away. I feel anchored by my own words. But by an anchor that I’ve happily placed.

It’s been an incredibly chaotic start to December, with exaggerated wind and rain…and with the weather swinging it’s mood almost as quickly as mine…I’m not half surprised that I’m such a confused mess. I’ve never been good with ultimatums and it shows. The purpose of an ultimatum (as so brilliantly demonstrated by one Lorelai Gilmore) is to evoke a reaction, to catapult an action. I’ve always been an ‘all or nothing’ sort of person…so this half-way business is absolutely terrible for me, and if the sentiments weren’t so incredibly strong, I’d have walked away a while ago. But for some reason (unbeknownst to me), I seem not to want to walk away…however, I also desire an outcome, one which I almost certainly will not get. In fact, there are only two outcomes, and although I’d prefer one over the other…it’s not my decision to make. So that begs the question…which is the least ominous of outcomes for the party involved?

Answer?…to be determined.

PS. Lab book is all done, as well as looking through the lab schedule for tomorrow’s class, I really hope that the students can get on with things quickly! I have Western blots that need seeing to!


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