So my final post for this trio, sadly not a very ‘happy’ one. Amsterdam and Buenos Aires were both amazing experiences, I certainly learned a lot. A heck of a lot. But at the same time…I had my eyes opened. An unwelcome brush with reality…not to imply that any reality check is truly welcome. I’ll keep this short. Seeing the research that’s being undertaken excited me, but at the same time left me feeling dejected.
See…I had never been to anything like this before. A world congress, where the majority of delegates were actually researchers…not PhD students like myself. The research presented inspired ideas in my mind, but at the same…reality was truly hit hard. I realised very quickly that I would never be able to look at the things I want to look at…certainly not whilst I’m still a student. I have to admit, that realisation hit me a lot harder than I would’ve thought. I suppose it was partly because my confidence had already been knocked and despite the interest I found in my own research…I lost inspiration in my own work. It feels now as though it’s a question of whether I keep my head down and just do as I’m told…or if I fight back and truly push my own ideas. I’d love to do the latter…but it’s draining, and with starting my job this week…I don’t think I have the energy to push my ideas forward.
Still, I don’t think I can ever truly lose hope. I thought I could…but some things bring you out of the gloomiest of moods. That being said…what on earth is going on with the weather?!