And that nausea feeling…

You know that feeling you get when you’re so incredibly stressed out that your body and mind are in complete conflict…where one wants to run away, whilst the other wants to complete the marathon? The only answer? Indigestion relief, because this particular feeling wreaks havoc on my stomach. Ouch. Acid reflux…no thanks!

Anyone chasing a PhD will know exactly that, IT IS a chase, a bit of a tease sometimes. A very mismatched opponent, with cards incredibly close to it’s hypothetical chest, sitting opposite you on that green table, staring at you, poker faced. If a PhD was a poker player…but to me it’s best described as a 26.2 mile run. You start off thinking, that it’ll be “fun”, you’re pursuing something you’ve always enjoyed and the title is just a bonus. And then you get mid-way, and the lactic acid begins to kick in, and you start to think, it’s still okay, I know it burns and it hurts, but I can do this…right? And then about 2/3 in, and you really feel it, the anaerobic respiration is too much, you can’t even take shallow breaths…you want to throw in the towel, but you’ve already done more than half the distance…so what do you do next? You cry and forget the run…it’s now just a limp…and you hold it together for those last few miles…wishing you could collapse on a stretcher and just be taken across the finishing line.

I wish there was such a thing as a stretcher in a PhD…perhaps there is one, but I’ve yet to come across it.

It’s just been absolute manic since we came back from Saudi. With my nan’s surgery, my cousin’s wedding, me falling ill and then frantically trying to catch up with my PhD…and the complete chaos in the lab (no supervisors, no technicians, no orders, no reagents, no gas!)…of course I’m getting heartburn! I know that I often joke that my PhD will probably kill me (as long as I don’t ingest anything funny!)…but I didn’t think it’d actually come to a point where my stress is giving me an upset digestive system. What did my tummy ever do to you!!

All I know is that I’ve spent the majority of this weekend planning for my end of year review, and sorting through my data for the last year. You know how much data that is? Four graphs. That’s right, just four. I spent over 300 days of the year looking at one protein in four different conditions…and that is all that I have. Just four. So sad. And yet the story has barely begun…I have so much more to do, and with only a year to go…that little fire of hope (which was mainly extinguished after Argentina) is slowly burning out…with no more fuel.

Just need to make sure that I can still limp across my finishing line…only one more year…

Need to get on that writing bandwagon asap!

NQ out.


PS. Can’t I just play Pokémon Go instead? I know it drains my battery, but that Oddish is so cute! He makes my day 🙂


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