I’ve spent 45 minutes, reading reviews on TripAdvisor…and then subsequently adding my own reviews (oh dear!). In fact, the entire day has been quite fruitless…summarising the mood of the last few weeks. With the addition of polishing off a box of salted caramel Fingers…and getting halfway through a tube of Munchies (oh dear again); I’m clearly avoiding writing up my results chapter and my data analysis (oh dear…I’m clearly in trouble!)
It seems as though I’m willing to do anything but my own work…avoiding it like it’s a contagious disease requiring quarantine. It’s already quarantined inside of my brain. Not good. (At this rate, I’m going to finish that tube of Munchies…yup…the last one just got shoved into my mouth) I feel like I’m not ‘here’ anymore…sounding just as odd as it feels. And in a way that makes sense, it makes sense because my mind is in disorder. Just chaos and no order. I feel as though I’m drowning in my own thoughts, unable to control my ideas and to-do’s, and instead of calmly sorting through them…I’m stood incapacitated, unable to do anything. Where my feet are no longer touching the ground…as I continue to be elevated by the mountain of thoughts and stress that accumulates beneath me. And that’s translating to outside of my cranium. I’ve been working with cardiomyocyte isolation, and although it started of amazingly well…I’ve almost certainly jinxed myself. I’ve spent the last few weeks just fixing my cells, with no knowledge of the success rate. All will be revealed in a painful session of flow cytometry. But the issue is the fact that despite having developed and modified protocols on my own accord, my colleagues benefit from ready made protocols and I’m the one who then gets stuck. And I also end up having to accommodate my colleagues’ wishes of wanting to run the same experiments as me…at the same time. Perfect. Odd, since they wait for me to optimise before they run…and that means they spend weeks not doing any lab work; and then everyone suddenly decides that they all want to play with the troll doll at the same time. Brilliant. Nazra…you’re stuffed. I don’t like sharing my troll doll.
I just need to get on top of all those thoughts…need them organised, filed and checked off. I need to know exactly what’s going on with my data, and right now it’s all a bit overwhelming. I have a bucket load of data which needs to be re-visited, and knowing where to start will be very useful. I’m thinking of making my way through the newer data first, finalising that and then moving onto the older stuff? I’m not sure if that seems like a reasonable choice. But I need to start somewhere. Ideally, somewhere with Harry Potter in the background, fantastic encouragement, makes the mundane tasks more desirable (think of that what you will).
Slightly less stressed NQ, out. (Typing things out is the best kind of procrastination and motivation)
PS. Titular reference is with regards to the game I ‘invented’ during my MSc, was fun then (Langendorffs should never have bubbles!)…now it just makes you cry! PhD edition is really hard!