Do you ever just feel as though tears are just looming…no need for a push, just a tap to set them free? Oh well, I suppose it’s a passing thing. One minute you’re an emotional wreck, the next you’re hard as nails. It feels as though I haven’t posted in a VERY long time, and I suppose in the blogosphere…it probably IS a long time. So what’s been happening? Well, it seems that once again I’m struggling to “science” (yes, it is a verb…because I said so), I seem to be unable to get my own protocol to work again! And it’s odd because my colleagues seem to be working it just fine, in fact even when I make my own buffers and do 80% of the protocol…with 20% assistance (the crucial part clearly), it also works just fine. But any more input from me, send my experiment to the bin…quite literally. So what does that mean…it means that I can not “science” (yes, once more) without a pseudo-proxy. And what does that mean? Well…it means that since there is a shortage of PhD students in the lab right now (holiday season of course)…my experiments are on hold.
It felt as though before I started writing this post…I had a lot to say…perhaps too much, maybe to the extent where I am now overwhelmed with catching up with myself. So I suppose that means that I should summarise…right? So in short, Nazra isn’t having a very good ‘end of year’, far too much political drama which has destroyed all hope in one’s self and a lack of trust in everyone around (not my bestie!). Too much hurt, and not enough support. It’s a darn good thing that the Gilmore Girls came back…and even better that Nazra is a one-woman-band. You pick yourself after every fall, dust off, head strong and shoulders back…and carry on forward. It’s the way of life, there will always be people to put you down, but the important thing is to not let yourself down. Believe in yourself when no one else will and listen to your heart. It can be turbulent and often you feel like you shouldn’t leave that warm bed first thing in the morning, but you need to go out there and show your critics that no matter what they say, you will only take positives from them. They can’t hurt if you won’t let them.
So, as much as I would like to say that the phase has passed…it hasn’t quite, but I’m not going to let it put me down anymore. And with a bitter-sweet few days in London (BPS Pharmacology 2016), I now have a new energy for my work, I feel validated to an extent…not that I really needed it, but it’s just fuelled my imagination. All I need to do now is focus my energies on the right areas…I need to plan ahead for my future, I need to make those contacts and get those people thinking about taking me on. I need to complete my chapters and get my experiments to work (God help me! Please!). And I need to be firm with my supervisory team, no more waiting around for 20 minutes outside of an office and chasing up meetings when no one actually turns up for one, they will ALL HAVE to respond. No more nice Nazra.
Like I said a few years ago…Bring. It. On.
PS. Photos from London! Aside from the initial shock horror and reality smash for my colleague…the conference was well informed and I picked up a lot. But of course, none of that matters when you get to hang around London and see all those lights…SJ making it all sweeter. And of course, there was pizza (yum)…and Wicked!
Psst…I feel as though I should clarify the titular reference, my indecisiveness meant I bought the same dress three times over three days…having returned it twice! Glad I bought it…for the third time!