Sometimes it’s just far too easy for reality to not feel real. To the extent where the only certainty is the very fact that everything around me doesn’t seem real. Losing a grasp on reality is the sign of an over-worked mind. A mind which much like the rest of your body requires rest, but it’s not as easy as resting your body. Sleep is wonderful and plentiful when it does what is needed of it…otherwise it is simply falling prey to your subconscious mind, unable to disengage and instead feeling as though you have been chased all throughout the night.
It’s the stress, the anxiety and the uncertainty of your daily decisions that morph into those angry bird which wreak havoc in dreamland. The way to escape, you ask? Escape, is not a physical thing in this case, it’s a matter of releasing your burdens slowly, of knowing what deserves some of the stress and anxiety, and what is futile. It’s not always easy to distinguish which is which, sometimes it’s far too complex, and it’s at these stages that you actually ask yourself…what can put on the back burner? What can wait a few weeks for me to deal with…rather than have an avalanche of worries and doubts.
So if it were not all too obvious, let me explain. I’ve been incredibly stressed the last few weeks and all of a sudden it simply became so overwhelming that I ended up having a panic attack. I should’ve seen it coming, I’ve been describing everything as though it doesn’t exist…as though I’m not sure as to whether what is happening is reality…or not. But I know why it happened, and I know what I can put on the back burner for now. I don’t need to deal with all my stresses in one go, I can wait a bit and I can break things down and work through them gently. I agree that I need to take things slower, that this quest to finish in the time I’ve allotted myself may be a bit of a stretch. But I can hope. That’s something I won’t let go of. I have faith in myself and the people I love and my Faith itself. My faith has always been the light amongst the darkness and even now, when I feel afraid and overwhelmed…it is the enveloping blanket to protect me. The Protector protects.
PS. Titular reference: It’s something I’ve always known…but when the events in my life played out like an episode of the Gilmore Girls…I can’t help but gasp!