…*silence*


I know that I’ve been extremely quiet lately…it feels as though I haven’t posted this half of the year at all (although, not true!). But rest assured, I have simply had a very chaotic past few weeks…months(?), and I will be back to share all very soon. Certainly before the end of the year.

This very short post was to prove…that although I’m burnout, I’m not burnout.

 

NQ out…only to be back very soon!

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Yellow goodness!


I did it! I finally did it! No, I have not passed my Viva, and no I have not submitted my doctoral thesis either; I have achieved something even better…I conquered mac ‘n’ cheese! Woohoo! It took several attempts and lots of research (as you’d expect) and bingo! In fact, I paid close attention to the mac ‘n’ cheese that Costa have got out in their food range, and (minus the preservatives) it’s pretty much bang on. Of course, I didn’t have mustard at home and my conquest to make my own resulted in a very potent whole grain paste…but…a tasty, potent paste!

Evidence below.

What a difference a cheese makes.


I sometimes find myself needing to hear some motivational phrases…and often I find so many that are simply lacklustre, so I figured I could find inspiration and let myself come up with a few and share them here. In fact…somehow seeing the words in my head out in front of me reinforces the strength of the meaning. So this is just as much for me, as it is for anyone else needing a few “happy” words. So here goes nothing.

            More often than not, the right path to take is the loneliest, so don’t fear being alone

            Just because the fog overwhelms your vision, doesn’t mean that a clear horizon is not there

            Smile even if it feels stupid, smiles on the outside help you smile on the inside

Just tell yourself to be happy, and look at the wonder of nature, even without it’s leaves a naked tree stands proud

If someone can’t take the time to respond to you, they aren’t worth contemplating…make the effort to communicate with yourself, it’s far more rewarding

Sometimes you feel tested beyond your capacity, but just remember that even metal has to be heated extraordinarily before something beautiful can be made 

Give up only if you know that you never truly tried

 

 

PS. Titular reference is using mature cheddar instead of mild for mac ‘n’ cheese…HUGE difference! Yum!

 

Winter Blues


You know, I give up, I can’t be doing this anymore and I need a way out. What is it that has got me so rattled, you may ask? Is it my PhD? Is it my personal life? Is it my inability to find a job? Well, it’s actually a combination of everything, and yes I have been blaming the season, even though as we near the end of the year, it often becomes my favourite part of the year. As of now however, I’m simply apathetic. I’m struggling to find the motivation to get out of bed and finish those last few experiments and complete my PhD. I suppose it probably has something to do with the fact that the answer to my simple yes/no questions, is only maybe. ‘Maybe’ can’t get you very far. Even a ‘no’ is more useful. Yes, I agree that it’s a negative response, but even negative responses can be motivational, much better than a ‘meh’. Which perfectly describes my current state of mind.

I can’t even remember if it truly is seasonal…my brain (like many others) has a tendency to forget about anything remotely depressing…and of course, romanticising that which is does remember. I can’t blame winter, even though I feel blue. I just want to perk up again, I only wish I knew how.

I think I need to distract myself…maybe some time away? Or read one of the two Mark Billingham books I have sitting around untouched. I just need to do something…and even cooking and eating isn’t helping (very sad!). And of course, when I am sad and upset I want chocolate. Even though I have a dairy/lactose sensitivity…so what does that mean?…Painful tummy aches and worse! I need to cheer up and finish everything!!! So much to to do, glad my spirituality is helping me to just take a few minutes out several times a day. I need more of that. Amplified.

 

My Favourite nachos from Las Iguanas!

Yummy tuna bagel. Best bagel I’ve ever had!

Chocolate chip packed brownie!

Vanilla gelato and Ferrero Rocher cookie dough from Sprinkles. Extremely decadent.

Homemade kidney bean and potato chilli.

Tandoori potatoes made in my new worktop oven/grill! Yum!

Where have all the good men gone.


Sometimes there’s very little that can be said, but so much that can be done. This dystopian reality we live in, is nothing short of a nightmare. There are atrocities happening on every corner of the globe, in every culture, in every language, and we are all responsible. It’s not enough that natural disasters and calamities affect us, we have to make the lives of those worse off than us difficult, we have to create man-made disasters. And just because our western media grossly neglect the atrocities that are committed by the so-called “world powers”, we turn a heavily blind eye to everything which isn’t occurring outside our doorstep…unless of course, the media decide they want to showcase a story for the rest of the week.

It is now surrealism to imagine a world where people can get along and accept each other’s differences, we no longer have leaders who are the voice of reason and peace. And what’s scarier than that? The fact that these people who incite violence and difference through their silence are the very people who we have put in power. Shame on us as a collective. We are failing in making our voices heard over the deafening noise created by those who have no regard for the lives of anyone different to them. We have become the very people that history has fought over decades, the people that turn a blind eye, the people that try to “ethnically cleanse”, the people that repeat the worst atrocities in history, the people that use violent and inciting words when discussing war with conflicting partners, the list is endless.

What’s worse is that these brewing indifferences is only a start, the poison has spread amongst us, we have let racism, sexism and xenophobia take over like the viruses that they are; we have allowed society to become spoiled and corrupt. This isn’t the world we should leave as inheritance to the generations to come, what have we done to diffuse the tensions that we have unnecessarily created? What have we done to make those who are different to the majority feel safe and respected? What have we done to project the voices of those whose voices are being throttled and reduced to weeping? It only takes one step from one person, to go forward, and that is a step every single person can take. We can smile. We can help lend a hand. We can talk to someone who looks lost and scared. We can take one step. No step is nothing, each step is worth something, I’d like to believe that each step taken with a positive attitude leads to a Butterfly effect somewhere else in the world…a step towards helping an elderly person get into the bus, makes the life of a Syrian refugee a little less fearful for one night. But we can’t stop, we have to keep taking those steps and we have to inspire everyone we know to do the same. I’m not saying donate all of your belongings, or all your money, just a little bit of time, just a step.

 

PS. Titular reference…now more so than I ever, am I finding myself asking this question…the question from a hymn I remember from school.

Ready, Steady…Bake/Cook/Eat!


I believe that this is a much needed post, with all the surreal calamities befalling the globe…be it man-led or natural, I feel like we need something to distract us. To make us feel warm and fuzzy on the inside again, so that maybe, just maybe…we can at least realise what it means to be human again. I can’t help but have a serious undertone to my words, and that is because I find it impossible to ignore what it going on…why do we allow the few of the human race to dominate and undermine what it is to be human?…you know what, that is a question for another post.

I promised myself that I was going to keep this light-hearted…not just because I need it right now, but because we all do. And what’s better than food to keep us going when times are tough.

This is a montage to food…a montage to my food, my cooking. I love cooking/baking!

 

IMAG4032.jpg A comfort food common to almost ALL Gujaratis…Rai vara bataka (Potato with mustard seeds).

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A Fruity number, blueberry and raspberry traybake…I sort of over did it on the fresh fruit aspect and so it was more tart than nice! Well, at least the pigeons enjoyed it!

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Chicken enchiladas…pre-cheese melting! Yum! I love Mexican inspired food, almost as much as I love my Indian food. I like the depth of flavours of things and the spicy, tart, sweet combinations that flood your palate!

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Quintessentially British! I love a good Cream tea! Tart raspberry jam with velvety clotted cream. It’s always jam first for me!

 

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My very first attempt at a hidden Oreo surprise cupcake! Went down unbelievably well…had to stop the siblings fighting over the last one! I was too overwhelmed by sugar in the days before baking this (night before Eid! As always lol) so didn’t try it, but I’ve been assured it is very much in demand! The buttercream was a last minute addition courtesy of my aunts recipe (milk is a must! Her words!), which I proceeded to make on Eid day, dressed in my Eid clothes. God knows how I managed to keep it clean!

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Hot chocolate volcano with custard! I love custard! I went with a colleague of mine to Creams, and this is what I got. Well worth the dairy induced stomach aches! Yumm…custard and chocolate (my love for custard later inspired a disaster…see below!)

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Oreo bubble waffle…tasted nice, but ever so slightly overrated. I think personally, I prefer a straight up regular criss-cross waffle.

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Nachos a la Nazra…pre-grilling! These were amazing, the vibrant colours of the chilli (I ran out of Jalapenos!), the salsa and the tortilla combined with the explosive flavours beautifully balanced with sour cream was an explosion of love in your mouth! Too bad I accidently forgot about turning off the grill and the cheese caught a little…tasted so good that no one cared!

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The theory of this little disaster was far more successful than its actual existence. A jam doughnut inspired mug cake with dairy free custard. Note…over cooking the mug cake makes it feel like a sponge…(very dry and oddly airy), and almond milk is a no no for custard. Stick with milk or just water!IMAG4028.jpg

My slightly over done lasagna…it’s not my fault! The kids want crispy cheese, so they get crispy cheese! I love lasagna. I love starch…yummmm.

 

It’s okay! I’m alive!


No really, I am! Despite all the last minuteness of everything going on right now and all the chaos and stress coming at me from every angle. I am very much still alive. However, only just. It’s difficult to stay afloat when you don’t have the strength to get out of bed…or perhaps it’s just pure laziness. Whatever it is, it certainly is a hinderance. And whilst that warm and cosy feeling I have when I’m lying in bed is plenty to keep me there (and successfully it has!)…that little voice in my bed reminds me more and more adamantly…that there is work to be done. Stay tuned.